The Dry Hottie

I’ve Rolled ‘em, Babies

Your Hottie used to be really HOT, not just sweaty. About a decade ago, my film partner Ross Stansfield and I made a short movie called OMNIFAX. It was about a crabby lawyer who starts getting mysterious faxes.

It was 11 minutes long and cost us $18,000.

The first movie set I was on was in downtown Washington, DC. A policeman redirected traffic all day long, 100 extras milled about, filming was in a building Ah-nold later used in “True Lies,” there was a buffet table (called craft services, we had union actors), a H’wood makeup woman dabbed witch hazel on the roasting extras, there were aerial shots, a camera truck for Ross to ride, you name it.

First movie set ever—and we were paying. I stood there in some dorky gray pants with my single Mom checkbook and wrote checks to people.

It was the best day of my life. (OK, having my kid was a good day, too.)

You know what they say about the joys of owning a sailboat—that it’s like standing fully clothed in a cold shower tearing up hundred-dollar bills?

That’s moviemaking—without the shower. Rainmaking equipment costs too much.

When I moved to AZ, I started a screenwriting group, which petered out after a couple of years. But people here like moviemaking, I have learned.

Check out the Arizona Chamber of Commerce Film site. On that site, you can find all you need to know to come here and shoot—or stay here and shoot.

That Jamie Foxx movie “The Kingdom” recently swapped out AZ for Iraq—dust, heat. I call that one a gimme.

But did you know that Sean Penn’s adaptation of “Into the Wild,” had AZ standing in for Alaska. No—not our famous glaciers, silly, but Bullhead City, Parker, Page, and Yuma, according to a story by Carrie Watters in the Arizona Republic. Former Glendale resident John J. Kelly, also helped the Sean-ster film the adventure story with the tragic ending.

Regrettably, though ready for its closeup, AZ did not make the credits. Smile prettier next time!

AZ also has a lot of film festivals for those into watching, not whining and tearing up money in pursuit of this weird addiction. See the aforementioned website for those. The Sedona festival is fun—I’ve been.

We’ve got the sand, babies, the prickles, the technical talent, the cooperative state people, and we’re “right to work,” meaning Teamsters optional.

As for OMNIFAX, it showed in New York at the Independent Film Market and in LA to qualify for Academy Award submission. No naked gold guy came our way, but OMNI did win a Telly, which is also heavy, gold, and looks great on the mantle.

And, of course, we wrote a full-length script. It’s about Raymond Loewy and The Lost Studebaker of 1964. Love cars? See www.streamlined-car-movie.com. If you give us $20 million, you can be in it.

I totally swear. ·